We are in the process of setting up a new ASK section. Stay tuned!
ASK GIRLFRIEND...is now ASK PRINCESS DOMINIQUE!


PRINCESS!
I am in the U.S. Army, and I recently broke up with my girlfriend who recently turned 35 and I am about to turn 21. She's got two kids 9 and 3 and we both knew that we loved each other. The problem is Gen was very insecure. I admit, my communication skills left something to be desired, but she and I both knew that I was a gentleman. One weekend, we were at her house and we got to discussing things I was going to do on a trip to see my relatives on the east coast. I told her that I was going to look for places and prices for places so I would have a better idea of where I wanted to go when I get out of the military. Once again, her insecurities took over and she proceeds to assume that I am going to leave her when I get out and move somewhere without her. She starts to throw things I gave her that were of sentimental value to both her and me at me (i.e. my dog tags I gave her and all my belongings I had at her house). She asks me questions like, "So, I am just a temporary girlfriend 'til you get out huh?" We have been arguing over things like this for the whole year we've been going out. I was sick and tired of being accused of things and I realized that it was 35 years of mistrust, deceit and just bad experiences she'd dealt with, so I picked up my stuff and walked out the door. The next day I called her and she was begging me to come back, but I knew if I did we'd be back to the same ol' in a few weeks or months. Someone had to break the cycle. I told her it was over, and I haven't heard from her since, but I can't help but feel guilty because I just broke her heart. I know talking to her will only make the hurting worse, but I need closure. Was I right? Is there a way I can go on with out feeling like a monster for hurting this poor woman? - Anonymous

DEAR ANONYMOUS
First let me say KUDOS! I am a firm believer that we teach people how to treat us and in putting your foot down and breaking the cycle you've set not only a standard for yourself but maybe for her as well. It amazes me how women want a good man but when they get exactly what they "say" they want, they cock their heads to side and look confused as if he's from another planet. The sad thing is that she actualized her own destiny. In life you sometimes you get exactly what you fear most and if she walked the earth for 35 years believing every man would leave her then she needs to know that it is her actions and unruly behavior that is making it happen. At any age there's no excuse, but at 35 her behavior is unacceptable and she really needs to deal with the core issues behind her insecurity before she ends up a bitter and lonely statistic. There are plenty of women who've been cheated on in past relationships who muster the gumption to wipe the slate clean and try again at love with a new man. You worry that you may have broken her heart but fact is that in her mind she believed that she was temporary and probably never truly gave you her heart to begin with because she bore such a deep mistrust of men in general. My hope is that she's learned from this lesson, realizes the reason you left and allows herself to slowly but surely unpack all of that pent up jealousy and feelings of unworthiness so that maybe the next guy that comes along won't have to deal with all of her sordid baggage. Trust me, you'll fall in love again, this time with someone who appreciates and fully trusts you--enjoy your life and don't spend a minute feeling guilty for preserving your sanity!

PRINCESS!
My family is very upset because my boyfriend and I eloped. We've told them that we'd rather spend the money that they would use to pay for the wedding on something substantial like a car or a townhouse but they are for the most part, holding a grudge. How do I express to them that this is a decision that we've made together? If they don't give me the money it's okay, but we'd really like to have it. - Happy n' Married

DEAR HAPPY N' MARRIED
It's your life! You don't have to apologize for that, and without being rude I think that you can express that your family. While they may have had visions of a white frilly wedding and candy coated almonds favors, the fact that you opted to skip that "one time event" and save the thousands of dollars that you would have spent on renting a hall and feeding your guests per plate shows that you are thinking ahead. Many weddings fail long before the catering bills are paid off or the wedding photos even come back from the photographer. Eloping doesn't mean that you love your partner any less. I stay stand up for yourself and your marriage. If you buckle under the pressure for the cash, you'll be doing it for your entire marriage. If you stick to your guns and they are understanding enough to give you the money anyway, then enjoy your new car, townhouse or whatever the two of you decide to buy with it. But if they don't, then it's obvious that the "offer" itself was nothing more than a pawn they were using to manipulate you in the first place.

PRINCESS!
My co-worker is the most inappropriate man on the planet! He talks all day long instead of working and loves to get very expressive and touchy with his hands. When I tell him to stop or that it makes me uncomfortable he says that's just the way he is? How can I deal with this nicely before I get the urge to punch his front teeth out and end up fired? - Had Enough

DEAR HAD
He still has his front teeth? While I don't advocate violence, Moma always said, "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." This man is not only disregarding your three feet of personal space, but he is pleading with you to not only hurt him, but to hurt his feelings as well. If explaining that it makes you uncomfortable when he acts the way he does, doesn't prevent his bursts of groping and feeling you up, then maybe you ought to make your way up the chain of command. You don't have to accept his behavior just because he's stating that that's just the way he is. You have a right to be comfortable in your work environment without fearing that he'll grab you or rest his hand on your person inappropriately. If you've made that clear to him in the past, then his continued actions may border on harassment. Take it up with management and keep going up the ladder until you get a resolution that YOU are completely satisfied with.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: Letters may be edited for space and clarity.